By Ben Petterman
Growing up, many kids dream of becoming professional athletes one day, blazing trails of a storied career like so many greats have. Few, however, consider the implications of life after the game, despite its often quick inevitability. A handful of pro athletes may not know where to go next or what purpose they could serve after retirement.
Over the past decade, mental health has become a central focus in discussions about sports, particularly with regards to the emotional and psychological effects professional athletes experience when undergoing a major and usually sudden career change - from rising stardom to retirement, injuries, and even a loss of identity beyond the game.
Real Salt Lake is lucky to be home to numerous former players who’ve worn the badge, displayed the colors and represented the community. Club legend Tony Beltran remains committed to the Claret-and-Cobalt even today, off the field 17 years after being drafted, now in his position as assistant general manager of RSL.
Beltran was humble enough to share his story of how he navigated the change from the field to the front office, and how his mental health played an active role in his search for purpose.
Coming to Terms with the Inevitable
On September 13, 2019, Real Salt Lake defender Tony Beltran announced his retirement from professional soccer. Beltran played his entire career— 12 seasons— with RSL and wrote a heartfelt letter to the fan base in a full-page advertisement in The Salt Lake Tribune. Tony’s decision came after dealing with chronic knee issues throughout the latter half of his career. Although he had been preparing himself for that very moment, having to face it was an entirely different emotional experience.
“I had a plan that I was ready to put into action whenever that transition point would be. But it's one thing to have that planned in theory and then it's another thing to live through that. I was coming back from an injury, a very serious one, and I made it through a preseason, and then things started devolving from there. I have a very vivid memory of the moment when I came to grips or had the realization, the clarity that I didn't belong anymore and that was being out on the grass fields and struggling through another training session. I walked off the field, a little bit in isolation and was very privately emotional and at the top of the stairs, there just happened to be a staff member, the third staff member that I met when I came to this club as a kid. That would have been 12 years ago from that moment. It was Elliot Fall. Elliot was someone who was a trusted friend and also a colleague so it was all I needed for a trigger of that emotion to release.”
Oftentimes fans receive the notification of an athlete announcing their official retirement through the media or on social media like Instagram or Twitter. It’s rare for the public to get a glimpse of how these decisions come together. Coming to terms with this reality can be an emotional journey that one must go through and in most cases there is a larger story behind it. In Tony’s experience, he gained clarity through something that he’d done daily for most of his life, a training session. The moment that he walked off the field and embraced the support of a long-time friend was in some ways, the acceptance of a chapter in his story that had come to an end. The vulnerability he shows in sharing the raw emotions he felt that day further exemplifies the work he’s done since to heal and grow as an individual.
“It wasn’t a hard cutoff moment. Through the severity in the injury, the rehab, coming out of that, and then things starting to go south, there was a time where I could begin that mourning process and begin coming to terms with that inevitable direction. Everyone goes on their own unique journey and part of that journey is the end as well.”
As he described this time of his life, he intentionally utilized the words “mourning process”. One might not realise it, during a time of hardship, but losing something that you have created a close connection with over a long period of time can cause a profound sense of grief. Yes, in the end this is soccer, but it’s something that Tony grew up with and played for most of his life. Therefore, it’s understandable — from the perspective he presents — just how deeply this moment impacted him.
It’s in these times that surrounding yourself with the right people can make all the difference in the world. In Tony’s experience, RSL provided him with the resources to find his identity away from the game. Former teammates, coaches, and Club staff gave him the help that he needed.
“I realized that whatever I did, be it in soccer or outside, it was going to be a hard time and I was going to need a ton of help. And so what better place to do that than this campus of forgiveness that has already helped me, growing up here at RSL. People like Trey (Fitz-Gerald, RSL’s long-time Communications Chief), the coaches, everyone. I knew that I had so much equity with people in the building and that they would help me stumble, fall, learn, and hopefully figure out who I was, what I was doing, postplaying. So that decision went back towards RSL and I'm glad it did.”
Hi, I’m Tony
Shortly after making the decision to step away from soccer, Tony enrolled in a 10-day business program at Dartmouth College called ‘The Next Step: Transition to Business’. The initiative of the program is to facilitate the transition into civilian life for veterans and former athletes while also providing them with the tools to successfully navigate the world of business.
During this time, Tony was given the opportunity to learn about how to take the next step in his career. He was exposed to the experiences of his peers throughout this program and it sparked a profound question that he had never asked himself, because in 33 years, he’d never had to. Who am I?
“For your entire life up until that point, you introduce yourself and you say ‘I'm Tony Beltran. What do you do? I play soccer. I'm a professional soccer player.’ And then you can't say that. Working through that, workshopping that, and being with a group of 30 people who are dealing with that same thing is really cathartic. You lean on each other, figure it out together, and you go from this unclear picture of who you are into something a little more clear. It gives you confidence through those conversations, the education, and through the feeling of solidarity that you're not alone in feeling this bad,” he explained.
It would be somewhat naive to think that this 10-day period was enough to find a solution to an identity crisis, an inner-conflict, one that Tony admits he was experiencing at the time. However, it was a crucial and pivotal turning point because it helped set him on a path to finding the answers to deeply-rooted questions he had.
“How would I introduce myself? I'm a father, I'm a husband. Yeah, soccer's still my life, and I think that it's super-cool. So I would be proud to say it's not about what I used to do, this is about what I'm doing.This is who I am and this is what I'm doing and I love it, I really do. I never thought I would find this much joy in the game beyond the lines. Never thought I would get this close, but I love what I do.”
Addressing Mental Health at RSL
After the business program, Tony was offered a full-time position in the RSL front office as the Assistant General Manager. This marked the second job he ever had - from the Claret-and-Cobalt jersey to the formality of a suit, this signified a major change in his life, trading the battle hymns for the quiet weight of responsibility. This period of adjustment was a valuable learning experience.
“I was playing dress up for a long time. It was exciting, intimidating, and a little scary, but comforting because I had so much familiarity, confidence, and comfort in the people around me. You have preconceived notions of what these jobs are as a player. This job is entirely different than what I thought it would be. I think I got five to ten percent accurate of what my misconception of it was. It was a baptism by fire because I had six weeks and then COVID hit. We were figuring all of that out and then the job became almost entirely different. And then, we went through a public, uncertain time with our club so it was, in those first 18 months, like three different jobs, but it was very educational,” he remembered.
Since moving into this role, Beltran’s become directly involved with the players and has been able to share first-hand knowledge and advice about mental health resources that not only the club offers, but the league as well. He emphasizes that these tools can better prepare the players for life beyond the game, even if they have their entire soccer careers ahead of them.
“There's a number of different resources for players. There's the MLSPA, which I was a part of for almost 10 years. Both while you're playing and then for that transition and for the social, emotional, the mental health, all those things. The same thing is true with MLS. The League does a phenomenal job in curating an educational experience. In the Academy there's an opportunity for education from such an early age, so that becomes a resource just as much as the gym.”
He continued, “I remember my mom sharing this video with me about Greg Norman when he was retiring. Someone asked him, ‘what would you tell your 20 year old self when you were starting out?’ He's like, ‘I wish I could tell myself then to quit being so macho and foolish and be open to the most important resource that is mental health.’”
Real Salt Lake is fortunate to have Tom Golightly, a clinical sports psychologist who is employed full-time and offers a wide spectrum of mental health services to players at both RSL and Utah Royals FC. Tony offered his opinion on the importance of having someone like Tom at the club and prioritizing mental health.
“It's been a huge area of investment and focus for our Club, across all teams because we are a people industry. The human is the most important part of the soccer player. I'm so thankful that we have Tom and that the academy has resources for mental health counselors and that we have access through the PA, the league, for things externally beyond the organization and that more players are open to it today than in my day. Diego [Luna] is an awesome example, how vulnerable he was at such a young age, how mature he was. I remember seeing that feature and thinking that's a shining example of how things should and have changed.”
